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Just like any homeschool parent, I have fears about our homeschooling decision, process, implementation, and results. Different fears are “it” at different times, different seasons, and different developmental ages - but they are there. They are all playing tag throughout our homeschool experience. These fears include:

• Will my child be and feel prepared for college/advanced degrees?

• Will my child be and feel prepared and equipped for life as an adult?

• Is my relationship with my child only about homeschooling them?

• Did my child feel loved during the homeschooling process?

• Would my child have picked this avenue of schooling for themselves?

• Did I do enough in helping my child become a self-directed learner?

• Do we need more structure? Less structure?

• More activities? Less activities?

• More play dates? Less play dates?

But my biggest fear is probably the combination of all of these fears as one big fear:

Will my child look back on his homeschooling experience with disdain and regret?

Right now, I don’t think so. Right now, I know my children value the freedom and the autonomy they each have individually and that we have as a family. But they are all still young children, ages 7, 9, and 11. We are still spending school days at aquariums, amusement parks, friends’ houses, playgrounds, and co-ops. Right now we get to read books about farts and joke books together as our “assigned reading” to practice reading aloud. Right now we are building forts while listening to our Overdrive app (free library books as read-alouds!) and playing with LEGOs or slime while we discuss recent learning. Right now, they have at least 8-10 hours of free time per day to do as they choose. Right now, the overall feeling about homeschooling is blessing. (We interviewed our children about homeschooling - check it out on our podcast episode 51.)

But…

Creeping in, as we all age, I anticipate that eventually it will get harder to find the fun and creative experiences to enjoy this lifestyle together. I am anxiously wondering where we will find the time for my children 1) to pursue their interests 2) go on fun adventures together and 3) still fulfill the A-G requirements for a UC school admission. I’m worried about the stress of individualized requirements, activities, and prerequisites, and that in the midst of all of that for each of my children - that I will lose what I have worked so hard to build. And so, again, every time I look forward, my biggest fear tags me. Will my children look back on the entire homeschool experience with thankfulness, joy, and gladness?

Jessica, my Coop Homeschool counterpart, surveyed homeschooled adults who she knows personally. She asked them what they thought of their homeschool experience. Many loved their experience and have the life and lifestyle of their dreams, and some are even homeschoolers themselves. But, not everyone had a life-enriching experience being homeschooled. In fact, some had disdain for it. (To check out the results of the survey, listen to podcast episode 59, Homeschooled Adults.) This survey reminded me of my biggest fear as a homeschool parent.

Thinking aloud, though, as I type this reflection, I am realizing the following:

• Even now, struggle is part of our day.

• Tears are part of our day.

• Trials and arguments are part of our day.

• We are busy sometimes way beyond our preference.

• We have to work hard to ensure family experiences/dinner.

• I continually have to make a concerted effort to ensure our family grows together as a family and grows up as a family.

• I need to inspire other family members to want what is best for themselves and for the family instead of forcing my solutions for change and growth.

• I have to teach content I do not care about, because I know it is important for my children to be exposed to it.

• I need to grow in my patience and kindness toward my children who all have their own opinions and thoughts about life and love.

I could continue, but I stop here to say this…I am practicing the skills I need to be able to offer a beautiful homeschool life to my children in the future, in their teen years. It will look different than it does now. It might be without the amusement parks, forts, and fart jokes (or maybe not - farts are always fun). It might be without the LEGO tables and the regular play dates. But it will still be beautiful.

Because as my kids grow, hopefully I do too.

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