I know it’s only pumpkin season right now, but, whether you are ready for Jingle Bells or not, winter is coming. With that, so is Santa Claus…for some households.

He comes to our house, but not so much as a magical figure, but more of a Christmas clown. We decided prior to giving birth that Santa was not going to be real in our house. This goes for the Elf on the Shelf, Easter bunny, unicorns, tooth fairy, and other magical creatures. We still enjoy a good game of pretend together, and we still bond about these mythical creatures in our own unique way. Because for us, the real magic, the Ultimate magic, is the perfect life, sacrificial death, and hope-fulfilling resurrection of Jesus. But, there is no right or wrong when it comes to Santa - to each his own, and we have no opinions on if and how others want to introduce Santa Claus to their children.

But…here’s the problem.

In the early years of parenting and childhood, when Christmas rolled around, my young children were a giant risk factor of spoiling the secret for everyone else. So, since the beginning, we have had to teach our children (and remind ourselves) how to handle Santa Claus with their friends who do hold a jolly faith in a historic and magical figure.

This is how we handle Santa Claus.

1) Teach History

We teach our children the true historical context and the spectrum of beliefs of the historical or mythical figure.

2) Teach Traditions

We discuss traditions with our children, like Santa Claus, and why we ourselves still practice the tradition even though the actual belief system is not our own.

3) Delight in Pretend Play

In the appropriate moments, together we enjoy the pretend play associated with each mythical figure. (For example, we write notes to and from the tooth fairy, knowing full well it’s one of us. We still hang stockings and fill them late Christmas Eve. The last week prior to Christmas, we each feel honored take a turn hiding the Elf on the Shelf and pick a sweet treat to put with it for sharing.)

4) Let Parents Decide

Regularly we discuss how it’s perfectly fine, normal, and fun for other families to play the game of pretend so intensely that the children actually believe it’s real. We teach our children that God has gifted these children’s souls to these parents for a reason, and so we do not want to infringe on how parents parent their young children on these matters.

5) Show Kindness

We ask our children to show kindness by not limiting the harmless pretend play with blurting out the truth, since the unsuspecting child may not be able to handle that uncovering yet. The child’s parents are best equipped to do that, and they will do that in their time. We show true friendship by not pulling back the curtain for them. But, should someone ask them if they believe in Santa, they need not lie and can tell the truth about their beliefs.

6) Encourage Maturity

We praise our children when they show maturity and strength in maintaining the synchronized music of truth within themselves and outwardly as well, without betraying the confidence and trust we have given them. This takes finesse and depth of understanding, but even my three-year-old was able to maintain confidence.

7) Teach God’s Timing and Unique Creation

God created us all different and works within us in His own perfect timing. It is not our role to infringe on His timing. This Santa Claus lesson is a helpful opportunity for teaching our young children that people they know and love can think differently from us. We want our children to know that we can maintain various opinions and share truth, but know that every person was created in God’s image and deserves our love and acceptance no matter where they fall on the spectrum of beliefs.

8) Give Reminders

Prior to most Christmas events and play dates in December, we review these lessons with our children briefly, focusing on some lessons more than others.

9) Prepare a Script of Responses

We prepare our children with an invisible script. If a child who still believes in Santa asks them point blank if Santa is real, my children can say, “Ask your mommy. She will know the answer.” If they are asked directly if they believe in Santa Claus themselves, they are not to lie, but can say, “I think he is fun. I love having my stockings to open Christmas morning.” If they are pressed, then they can just say, “Let’s go ask our mommies about this question.”

10) Lay Boundaries of Discussion

We give our children boundaries for discussion. We ask them to wait until they are all a bit older, tweens or teenagers, when they have the skills to discuss these things with other children their own age (within 2 years or so). We ask them to come to us when they hear something that does not fit with their world view or does not sit well with them so we can discuss it and learn from it.

In a way, this is how we are helping our children with how to handle their expressions and others’ expressions of faith. We do not put our children in bubbles. We want them to have friends of various faiths, creeds, and world views. We all have much to learn from each other, and we parents want to encourage our children to show God’s love to all. So these principles in handling Santa Claus loosely provide a foundation to build on for helping our children navigate theological discussions and challenges to their faith. The older they get, the more they can uncover. But for now, when children under age ten do not have the words or the knowing needed to discuss such things in a accurate way, we ask them to show kindness.

(For more about faith and friendship, check out podcast episode 58.)