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Socialization often comes up as one of the first concerns people have when they think of homeschooled children. Many people think (wrongly) that homeschooled children don’t interact often enough with others to be well socialized. We believe that much of this concerns comes from not understanding what socialization really is.

Defining Socialization

Socialization can refer to the act of mixing socially with others (to socialize); however it is the definition used by sociologists that is really helpful here:

the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society

Clearly socialization IS critical to every child’s development and integration into society. Children begin socialization shortly after birth and go through their most crucial period during early childhood (up to age 8). I’d like to point out here, that at least half of this crucial socialization period is done outside of traditional school. Meaning, socialization occurs just by the interactions within a home.

Socialization is how we learn social norms, which allow the individual the freedom to conform to society or not.

What Socialization Isn’t

Socialization is not merely the act of socializing - especially in the way most people tend to view it: socializing in peer groups of the same age/grade. In fact, that is quite a limiting group from which to learn how to interact in our society.

Socialization cannot be deemed to have been inadequate in child that chooses not to conform to social norms. There are many people in our society who understand social norms and choose to behave differently than expected.

Where Socialization Occurs

Socialization occurs everywhere!!! In fact, I’d say it’s actually pretty difficult to avoid social situations just going about regular life. Socialization is happening:

• within the home among adults and siblings

• outside the home:

  • extended family

  • friends 

  • school

  • community groups: play groups, co-ops, support groups, churches, interest-based groups

  • activities: sports, clubs, lessons

  • in the community: at grocery stores, movie theaters, baseball games, parks, museums, service projects

Best Socialization Opportunities

Are certain types of socialization opportunities better than others? Dr. Peter Gray believes so. In his book, Free to Learn, Gray believes children need to be allowed to interact freely with others. Free play is play that is defined by the players themselves and not by outside authority - adults. The players can change and modify the goals and rules of the play. Free play is an effective way for children to practice their social skills and values, particularly in mixed age groups. All of our well intentioned stepping in and helping organize “play” actually doesn’t help! In order for free play to be successful, the players must learn to compromise and cooperate; otherwise the play will end, and with it the children’s fun. It is so hard to watch kids resolve arguments on their own, but it is critical to their social emotional development. Gray also notes that mixed age groups have less competition and more cooperation toward shared goals among players.

Knowing what socialization is, and what it is not, really helps us homeschooling parents in navigating the conversation when it inevitably comes up in discussions. We share more of our thoughts on socialization in Episode 36 of our podcast.

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