Interacting With Homeschool Haters
Let’s face it, we all encounter haters in our lives. Some haters are people easy to dismiss and others are important people in our lives who disagree loudly with us. Either way, when it comes to homeschooling, it is important to know how to interact with the haters.
Now, I’m using haters here to be funny and provocative, but I really just mean people who don’t value or approve of homeschooling. In our podcast, I actually refer to these people as disapprovers. In your life, you may call her your mother-in-law. We all meet at least one person in life who wants to challenge our decision to homeschool.
Who Disagrees With Homeschooling?
Well, you’d be amazed! People don’t support homeschooling for a variety of reasons:
it challenges their sense of comfort and tradition
out of misguided concern that homeschool might harm your child
falling behind academically
lack of socialization (our favorite to discuss on the podcast!)
negative psychological impact
traditionally schooled kids do just fine
they truly know better that traditional school is the right way
Well, if you are reading this blog, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that none of these reasons warrant us to question our decision to homeschool. What I do recommend is having a position and rhetoric prepared to support any of these reasons should you choose to engage in conversation with a homeschool hater. I suggest having some facts and statistics on hand to share, personal evidence to support your decision to homeschool, and a brief way of sharing your strong conviction or calling to homeschool.
How Do We Respond to Homeschool Haters?
Your response will vary greatly depending on who the hater is. I don’t often spend much time defending my position to a barista I’ve never met questioning whether homeschooling my 9 year old is a good idea. I’m happy to say how much I love homeschooling and make a quick exit. I’m much more likely to defend my position to or enlighten a family member on the reality and benefits of homeschooling. So, here are a few tips to consider when deciding how to respond:
Determine the intention or underlying reason for the disapproval.
It is important to try to understand why someone disapproves of homeschooling before truly engaging in a conversation. If the hater is genuinely curious but asking questions in a way that just challenges our own convictions, we can take a deep breath and try to respond with grace and understanding. We may just be able to teach someone about the amazing benefits of homeschooling. So, ask the hater to explain her concerning questions or comments. Ask her why she’s sharing this information with you. Then, you choose how you want to continue
Engage in a conversation.
It is possible to just have a level-headed conversation about homeschooling with someone who doesn’t support it. There are many people who can engage in a conversation without them attacking and speaking aggressively. If you encounter a person like that, consider talking with them. It can really help validate our own choices when we are faced with the challenge of defending them.
Listen, but don’t engage
If you have discerned that the hater isn’t interested in learning about homeschooling or understanding your perspective, then perhaps not engaging is a non-confrontational way of responding. It is possible to hear someone share their feelings, acknowledge you heard them and then just not offer an opposing position. I often take this route because I am averse to conflict and don’t enjoy most debate situations. Usually, the hater realizes I’m not going to engage and the conversation moves on to more amicable topics. Taking this approach may leave you open to having this hater bring it up again.
Enter into a discussion or debate.
Some of you may like debating with others or entering discussions where you know you may not change someone’s mind. These conversations can be important, and feelings prepared for them can be helpful.
Acknowledge and end.
This is for the persistent hater who intends to change your mind about homeschooling. It is perfectly okay to acknowledge that the hater has his opinion, you’ve have listened and understand, you disagree, and you don’t want to talk about it further. This can be done as politely or bluntly as the encounter requires.
What if the Hater Gets Aggressive?
It is okay to employ a very direct acknowledge and end tactic. I had a friend who had to tell a family member that the educational decisions of her children are not up for debate and she will not discuss it further. Of course, this could strain a relationship, but I imagine the relationship may have already had some strain if the family member felt it was appropriate to aggressively disapprove of one’s choice (dare I say, “right”?) to homeschool.
Avoid Defensiveness
It can be uncomfortable to have our convictions challenged, especially when it comes to our children. It is important to check our own hearts and be cautious not to respond defensively or take offense. Becoming defensive or even aggressive in response does nothing to change someone’s mind or shed a positive light on homeschooling.
As Taylor Swift says, “haters gonna hate….shake it off!” We can’t stop haters from hating, but we can be prepared to interact with them and be strong enough to shake them off.