My Kid is Bored
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What should we do when our kids give us the boredom report? We all have mixed feelings when it comes to our kids feeling or saying that they are bored. But there’s more to boredom than what we typically know and believe about it.
What is Boredom?
Boredom can be defined as a lack of finding meaning in the current situation or activity. This is a very uncomfortable state of being for all of us.
1) Research
Knowing the research will help us all consider and evaluate the various types of boredom, reasons for boredom, and potential possibilities that boredom can provide. When your child says that she is bored, there’s so much more to consider than just the mental arousal of your child. There’s a helpful article about boredom research and facts available at Psychology Today, “Boredom,” linked here (which provided the information and quotes below).
Two Categories of Boredom:
State of Boredom: This type of boredom depends on the specific situation. It’s the need to change or shift one’s attention because the current situation isn’t engaging or fulfilling enough.
Trait of Boredom: How vulnerable is your child to boredom? This kind of boredom is more related to self-control and depression. “Personality traits also play a role—those prone to sensation seeking, extraversion, and novelty may be more likely to experience boredom.”
Reasons for Boredom
Mental arousal - This is when one is not feeling challenged or stimulated enough, maybe too much repetitive activity, possibly unaware of what does stimulate self or what a person truly wants, needs, or enjoys
Concentration skills - One can get bored if he has difficulty in concentrating on a single task
Situational lack of control - This is when we are stuck in a situation where we cannot redirect our attention, like in a waiting room or classroom.
Masking Emotional Pain - Sometimes boredom is masking the effects from a childhood trauma or pain that a person is dealing with in that situation or period of time. In this case, a child’s brain compartmentalizes his bad feelings like rage and fear, and so turns off that emotional realm to become just bored as a byproduct. According to this article, the cause could be a chaotic household that may feel unsafe to a child.
Child Development State - This might be the teen’s reason for boredom. A teen might be more susceptible to boredom because she is casting off her old self, actually young self, and with that leaving their hobbies, identity, and friends behind - even though they may love those things. This change can cause boredom in the midst of their struggle with frustration, confusion, and possible hopelessness or despair. Teens are looking for a new sense of self as they , since they hunt for new likes and interests. Some teens may try to relieve boredom in destructive ways as they search. (For more about bored teens and potential dangers, read this article.)
Interesting fact from this article: “Boredom can’t kill you—but it may be correlated with dying earlier. A study of 7,500 British adults found that people who were often bored at work were more likely to die earlier and 2.5 times more likely to die of heart disease than those who weren’t bored. They also reported less physical activity and poorer health, which could be a link between boredom and mortality.”
Benefits of Boredom
Boredom can be a catalyst for creativity - it is an uncomfortable state of being and so can motivate change. This change can lead to new ideas, a search for novelty, new adventures, goal-setting, and progress on a forgotten task or hobby.
Psychology Today writes (in “Boredom”), “When children are bored, and responsible for entertaining themselves (without screens), they develop new ways to do that. They learn to tolerate uncertainty, exercise creativity, communicate with others, and negotiate conflict.”
We talk more about this in The Gift of Boredom.
2) Questions for the Parent
These questions might help you evaluate the situation as the parent and bring insight to the root of the boredom reports.
1) What type of boredom are you noticing in your child?
Are the boredom reports frequent - relating to a personality trait, or are they relating to the situation?
What type of situations do you normally receive a boredom report?
2) What is the reason for the boredom report?
Is the need for new stimuli merely for arousal or is there a concentration issue, lack of control difficulty, or emotional pain of some sort?
3) How can you best meet your child’s needs?
Track and pay attention to patterns of your child’s boredom reports - in specific situations, during times of fatigue, in a place where painful experiences transpired, dealing with depression or anxiety/procrastination
Situational Boredom? Prepare your child for the situation where there is a lack of control, notifying them that this is a time they will need to prepare what they want to bring with them for this specific situation. This can be a skill that you help them develop over time. But, if there is plenty to do and plenty of opportunities for growth and autonomy - let them navigate!
Boredom related to pain? Have you noticed that your child is stunting her emotional engagement in relationships or friendships? Do you notice a change in behavior more recently? Do you see a decline in self-regulating behavior? Consider exploring a counseling option through a church or other trusted source that may help discover the root of the boredom mask.
4) How do you typically react to boredom reports, and does that response seem to be helpful? If not, why? What can you do differently?
5) Is there a system you can put in place to help your child navigate boredom for herself first before reporting it to you?
3) Questions for Your Child
Consider asking your child questions that will help her gauge the situation for herself, and kick-off her ability to figure out her problem for herself
What did you bring to work on? Book? Homework? Music?
How is your hobby going? Is that something you can work on?
What are some things in this room that you can explore?
How can you help someone? Is there someone you can help in this room?
Do you have chores that need to be completed?
Is your room clean?
Is there a pretending idea you can play?
What are some car games we normally play - can we do that here?
4) Ideas for Your Child
If your child has not developed his skill of navigating boredom for himself, you can offer some ideas to expose him to the process of being creative or give options showing that your ideas might not be as fun as the ideas they come up with themselves.
Make a list of people, things, and ideas that you are thankful for (you can add to the challenge by limiting it to the current situation)
Plan your Christmas list
Create a mythical beast
Let’s play the dot game or a pretend game
There’s some laundry that needs folding
Make a list of things you need or want to do in the next week, and make a plan of how to accomplish that
Make up a story and share it
Clean your room
Help me organize the playroom
I have an extra practice math workbook you can get started on
Write a letter to a friend
Call your Nana and Papa and see what they are up to!
5) Tools
If boredom is a chronic issue in your home, try these tools to help develop your child’s skill to handle her boredom autonomously.
Make a generic check list of possibilities to try first before asking for help, and put the list in a frame, attach it to their planner, or write it on the white board
Display fun resources for what you are currently studying that is swapped out regularly
Add novelty - go build an obstacle course! Check out more novelty ideas here
Create a mason jar of ideas using popsicle sticks to pick and put into action (make it together!)
Boredom Basket - every week, replace the pictures books, fidget spinners, ideas for games and creative activities so the basket can be a new source of arousal for your child.
Activity books (i.e. Sticker by Numbers)
Try these Usborne Never Get Bored books, my daughter loves these!
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